Shane needed to be kept away from his house for the entirety of a day while preparations for a surprise party were underway. Someone needed to waste a considereable amount of Shane's time, which required a non-amateur time-waster. When Leea, Shane's wife, called me with the request I was flattered.
With my recent education in crabbing I designed an outing for Shane that was really over the top in the time-wasting department: crabbing from a small rowboat. Another conspirator joined us for the outing, which was perfect. The boat could really only handle two people along with their crabbing gear, so we'd have to go in shifts. Also I left the oars and oarlocks at home, but did remember to bring a couple of canoe paddles...
We piled the gear on a picnic table at Golden Gardens Park in Ballard. The boat seemed basically full with two crab pots and a bucket. So we added a third pot to the pile, and a sail. And why use the nearby boat ramp, when we could carry the fully loaded vessel across the wide sandy beach?
I took the first shift to drop the three pots we had between us, opting to sail the boat single handed while also handling the crab pots. I was pretty impressed with the level of ineffiency I had discovered for what should have been a pretty simple task. I tacked my way back and forth out the crabbing ground, losing way as I dropped each pot and painstakingly tacking back out again. At this rate it would take us all day to drop and retrieve a few pots. Perfect!
Having watched my struggles from the beach Jason and Shane opted on their pick-up-the-pots shift to forgo the sail and deploy the canoe paddles in a kind of tandem paddling situation. Having not practiced this operation before, ever, it took them quite awhile to propel the boat at all, let alone in any one direction. I watched them lurch back and forth as they splashed their way out to the crabbing ground. It was wasting an incredible amount of time, and I got a little teary-eyed thinking about what a good friend I was to make so difficult an otherwise enjoyable bit of recreation.
Quite some time later Jason and Shane returned to shore. We had managed to land three or four keeper Dungeness, for all that effort. Happily it would take us another few hours to cook and clean the critters.
So back to the house, where we fired up the burner and sat down to watch an entirely oversized large stockpot come to a boil. Boy did that take some time!
That just left the cleaning. I wondered how we could really protract this part of the operation. Jason provided the solution there -- get the kids involved! The hours were flying by!
I may have been a little too good at my time-wasting, in the end. By the time I managed to convince Shane that maybe we should go grab a drink at a particular brew-pub, I was already receiving panicked texts from Leea of the "where are you guys?!" variety. We made it, finally, where Shane was greeted by the cheers of an unexpected crowd of friends and relatives gathered to wish him a happy birthday. He looked dazed -- a surprise well delivered. Or maybe he was just exhausted. Professional grade time wasting can do that to a person.
In need of expert time-wasting? I can design half day, all day, and even multi-day time wasting events, perfect for enjoyably wasting the hours of a friend or family member. Call now!